화요일, 1월 24, 2006
another boring dae..
Sigh..yet another boring day. Wouldnt say my jap tb was any good cos frankly, i was very sian throughout the whole 2 hrs. Pretty pissed off at myself actually. Cos i guess im still too dependent. Diaoz.
*takes a deep breath*
Its a bad habit, n i know it in my bones that i shouldnt grow too dependent on pple. But i just cant seem to help it. Without the pple i can rely on i just feel quite...
withdrawn. Ya, thats the correct word.
Withdrawn. In fact, i dread the fact that u have to know new pple all over again. Its a vicious cycle. N it makes u feel tired eventually cos somehow it aint exactly easy peasy to find the someone that u can click with. Its just well, difficult. Ok maybe for me, cos i admit im a introvert. So to the pple im already relying on (u know who u are), just leave me be..
i just want to be ur sticky glue..
Heh ok i think the previous sentence would have scared prospective erm targets away. Lol. I dun mean it in the ham way. Haha only 2 pple in this world will know what i mean..u know sometimes when u sit back n think about the words that u made up with ur close frens, i dunno why but somehow they never fail to bring a smile to my face. Heh..even with my bro we share some 'sibling-speak' (as opposed to twinspeak btw erm twins, duh.) which nobody else can understand except the 2 of us. N the thought that u share some special stuff with ur friends or family is a heartwarming feeling that at least someone in this world understands u.
*takes another deep breath*
Honestly, i wasnt quite in the happiest of moods today after jap tutorial. Felt lost as usual. But im crossing my fingers and hoping that it will get better. Was quite upset over something also but i guess it was just my personal instinct kicking in again so i must restrain myself. Some pple, they just dun appreciate having you around. So maybe i should just channel my energy n breath to pple who knows how to appreciate it better. It gets tiring u know. Nah, silly me how would u know. Its simply beyond ur dignity to know. Oh well.
I miss the feeling of being fussed over. Its an undescribable feeling when u mean alot to someone in this world.
I know there are some pple in this world who makes u upset. Budden again, there are always other pple who do silly things to make u happy again. Maybe i should stop lamenting n spend more of my time with these kind of pple. Suddenly remembered something someone once said to me.
'Make u happy again? that means i made u happy before n u wan me to make u happy again?..'But i guess i will never hear this again. Memories.
*takes yet another deep breath*
I need alot of self restraint.
Heh talking to my student again. This time on msn. N angel say we 姐弟恋。Lol. Abit farfetched lar. He's younger den me by 6 yrs leh. My limit is -1 +3. Means between 20 to 24. Max. =)
But hes cute lar. Haha. Die im getting abit paedophilic. Keke..kidding kidding. Anyway hes called shawn. Nice student of mine. I only hope that he can be more guai n do more maths~~ n stop bombarding me with gao yuanyuan. Lol. Ok, now he disappeared le.
Hiaks im ultra slacking..怎么办..its already 2 weeks plus since school started and im not even half in working mode. 完蛋了~~~~
또 울어버렸다.. @ 8:19 PM